Thursday, January 28, 2010

First Real Doc Appointment

This morning was the first real doctor's appointment regarding the pregnancy.

All anxiety aside, the visit was great! I got to hear the baby's heart beat...beating at 109 bpm...which is much slower than when we heard Tay for the first time...she was beating at 156 bpm! The first thought that came to mind was that it could be a boy!

I also got to see how much larger the gestational sac had become and saw the little flickering heartbeat of the 2mm-long baby growing in there. Amazing...

Never had the chance to see Tay so it looks like this will be quite the experience. The early information adds a bit of anxiety to the whole pregnancy, though...with Tay, it was mostly just checking to see if she was growing okay and such, but in the earliest stages, I was mostly concerned with how sick I was going to get...not worrying about the clarity of the yolk sac or residual blood in my I'm worrying about those things, too!

Maybe those things are better not to know...but it's nice to see the little one already flickering in there...amazing.

Looking forward to getting to tell the family...

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Patiently Waiting...

I guess the start of a pregnancy is mostly about waiting patiently...waiting for that first double line, waiting for that first doctor's appointment, waiting for the first signs and symptoms, waiting for that indicative bulge of a mother-in-waiting, waiting for that first movement...

I have been waiting a long 8 days for my real first doctor's appointment where they will tell me the viability of my little one that has attached itself in my womb. Tomorrow morning will be the check up day where they will tell me things are looking good or if I should prepare for something else. I have a good feeling about tomorrow, but there is always that little bit of anxiety, you know? With the first, I didn't get to see my little "bean" before she had already sprouted arms and legs and kicking frantically in my belly. It was the most amazing sight. I am glad that this go around, I am able to see her from her egg form stuck inside my womb like a little speck...but it does add some anxiety.

My waist has already started to expand and my clothes are already fitting tightly. This is not a good sign. The sensitivity of the nose has not gotten worse, but I do smell specific things very strongly...although it doesn't really affect me negatively. My starting weight with Tay was 140 and I almost hit 200 pounds with her, so I hope that doesn't happen again. My starting weight now is 138, so my target weight will be 170. Let's not shoot for 200 again...that was just not pleasant.

As for other symptoms, I think my hormones are definitely in flux because I have been very snappy and emotionally reactive to Jeff and Tay recently. Having Han here and all the issues going on with that have also been weighing on my mind, so that hasn't helped my emotional state. I haven't had any crying breakdowns or anything, but I am definitely getting my feelings hurt over small things...I need to relax and let it go.

It is already getting a bit harder to hold and carry Tay around. I think it's just the exhaustion that comes in early pregnancy...but man...she's around 30 pounds already, so how much longer will I be able to carry her around? I really need to read up on how to make her feel secure in our love so that she loves her soon-to-be little sibling...

I wonder if it will be a boy or a girl? I think a girl...

Thursday, January 21, 2010

First Symptom...

When we found out we were pregnant with Tay, I didn't have immediate symptoms of pregnancy...well, hardly any at all, actually, throughout the entire pregnancy. Just a couple mornings of serious nausea.

With the second angel, I've felt a bit queasy already, and when I went to choir practice today, the nausea picked up because I couldn't get this STRONG smell of jja jjang myun out of my nose, which was probably someone's dinner. I guess my sense of smell is actually going to be heightened for this pregnancy...this could be interesting.

The excitement about this pregnancy is building quickly...:) Each moment I think of you, I get a little bit happier. :) You're going to have the most wonderful big sister...

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


Well, well, well...we've done it again.

Over Christmas and new years, our family took a vacation to the states (VA and FL), and while on that vacation, we weren't thinking of trying for a second child...but it appears we have managed to do it again.

We got back from the states and I had been feeling a little funny because I had some spotting about three weeks after my last period, but didn't have anything more after a day or two. I had been breaking out like a teenager going through puberty again, too, which was quite annoying. I'm sure Jeff will tell you that I've been moody, too. Another indicator was that one day after a large meal, I patted my stomach and asked Shingil, "What's this?" and her immediate response was "BABY!" We had a good chuckle from that, but it didn't click then that I might remotely be pregnant. I had a scheduled appointment with an OB/GYN regarding my irregular periods in the previous months, so I went to that scheduled appointment...

When I got there, they decided to do a quick sonogram to determine where in my cycle I was since I had already spotted. Well...the technician looked at the screen for a while and then said to me, " weren't planning on being pregnant, were you?" I told her we weren't "trying" but we weren't "not trying" either and that it would be a good thing if we were pregnant. She said, "It looks like you're pregnant!" She then showed me a printout of the little egg sac in my uterus that just looked like a tiny black jellybean in a smear of grey...amazing. What she did tell me, though, was that the yolk sac (a little white spot in the black jellybean) should be more of a ring with a clear center, but mine was a little round white spot like a snowflake sitting in the egg sac. She said it wasn't anything to be concerned with, but it was something they wanted to check because it could mean that the pregnancy might be high risk...whatever that means. Well, I was excited and nervous and anxious about the whole thing, but it was like I already knew...

It's such a different feeling from when we found out we were pregnant with was just pure excitement then...whereas now, I feel more worried than excited...I worry that we may not be ready for this. Maybe Shingil is not ready to be a big sister yet...but maybe she is...maybe I'm just not ready...but I think I am. I am so happy at the possibility of being pregnant...yet I'm so nervous.

Well, while I was getting my check-up, I told Jeff to pick up some pregnancy tests, so when I got home after work that day, I took one of the tests and waited three minutes...and guess what? It was positive!!!

I was not surprised, but still very happy...and it was a strange feeling that I had already seen the little angel growing inside of me already before I even knew I was pregnant...before I ever took a pregnancy test.

I took a picture of the pregnancy test stick for good measure. I still want to treat this new little angel with as much love as I outpoured onto my little Shingil. I know it won't be the same...but I want to do this.

Jeff and I have decided to keep this a secret from our families until we see them in May. I should be quite obviously showing by then...and they will be quite shocked...will we be able to keep it a secret??? I sure hope so.

Little Angel are loved...and the worry in my heart will pass and joy will replace the anxiety. I love you.