I now have just about one month left before our second angel joins our family. I don't know what it is that I feel about the pregnancy right now, but a strange sense of calm and happiness has settled over me, so perhaps serenity is the best word to describe it. For most of the pregnancy, I think I was feeling anxiety and some guilt about brining this new life into our seemingly perfect three-person family life, but now as the time draws closer to meet little Riley, I'm happy and feel ready to take on the task of mothering a newborn again with enough love to spare for my still beautiful and ever-needy-yet-independent Tay. I feel bad for those people who always comment that Tay will become old news once the new baby is born because I think I will be even more amazed and loving toward her because of her new role as a big sister, and I fully believe that she will embrace that role with enthusiasm. Of course, I expect the natural jealousy and moments of frustration she will feel when I, or others, have to be preoccupied because of the newborn, but I feel I will be able to help her feel loved enough for her not to feel threatened. Not because I think I'm some super-mom or have any special skills on mothering...just because I know that Tay has an enormous heart and my love for her is so overwhelming that I can't fathom feeling any other way toward her...no matter what. It's a great sort of feeling that has settled over me, and I hope it carries through the rest of the time I have left being pregnant and through the birth and thereafter.
As for my physical well-being, I can't say it's quite as happy as my mental state. My lower back is aching all day, especially first thing in the morning when I get out of bed, and of course, by the late evening when the day's activities are wearing me down. It feels like little Riley is starting to move down already, which puts a little more pressure on my lower nerves and of course my bladder...which results in more frequent trips to the restroom. I don't mind those as much, but I don't like the wake-up calls in the middle of the night feeling like I'm about to wet myself if I don't hurry up and get to the bathroom. Also, when pregnant the first time I didn't have any reccurance of nausea once my third trimester hit, but now I'm feeling that slight queasy feeling again; thankfully not as severely as the first trimester. I am significantly more tired this trimester than I was in my second trimester, but I know it's because I'm wearing myself out trying to keep Tay busy and entertained after work. Keeping active has also given me much more energy, though, so I think the tiredness during the day is worth having more energy in the evening to spend with her. I have started to battle the "waddle," as my natural gait starts to widen to make room for my ever-dropping baby belly, but I think part of it has to do with the fact that I don't like the way my inner thighs rub together in this sweaty heat. Waddling reduces the friction...ugh. Sleeping is also a little less comfortable now because when I lie down, breathing gets to be more difficult until I get my belly situated "just-so" on one side or the other, so every time I wake up to roll over (or go to the bathroom), I have to resituate myself into a comfortable position to fall back asleep. My insomnia seems to have passed, but I still feel like I'm losing quite a lot of sleep because of all the time spent waking up in the middle of the night with visits to the bathroom and rolling over. And of course, I can't forget Mr. Sciatic Nerve as it continues to cramp my behind's style and Mr. Leg Cramps as it wakes me up in a jerking motion trying to get the cramp out before it really locks me up. I don't remember being so whiney about all the physical pains of pregnancy during my first pregnancy, but man...it just all seems so much worse this time around. I think I just got lucky and had it super easy my first time, so I'm paying for it this time around...:P Can't REALLY complain, though...I still have it pretty easy compared to some of my poor pregnant friends who are on bed rest or have morning sickness throughout the entire pregnancy. I feel for you guys...
Last, but not least, I've been doing a lot of reading about doulas lately and now am considering hiring one for my birth. It seems there are quite a few options here in Korea for doulas, and although I feel a lot less anxious about this labor/delivery than the first time around, I have this feeling that I experienced my first labor/delivery sort of haphazardly. I think after Jeff gets back from this exercise, we'll chat about it and see what he thinks and maybe we'll chat with one or two ladies to see how we feel. Anyone have any experience with doulas here in Korea wanna share? :)
